Ex-Exclusives

I have sometimes wondered whether being among the brethren is permanently damaging to the psyche.

Probably not in every case, but what's worrying is that many of the people who've left the group seem to come across as much obsessed as those who stayed in, with the only difference being that they've switched sides. It's as though "us against them" has become such an ingrained attitude that they need to keep it up, and those they left behind are the most obvious candidates. I'm not minimising the mental agonies some/most will have gone through, but in a normal situation most people grow beyond such things.

That's one of the scary things about contemplating leaving. Will I be obsessed too? Will I be able to leave it behind? Can I make a life for myself in which I don't ever think of myself as "used to be brethren"? Some people must do, but I don't see many.

For real gnawing of fragments of old lives, take a little look at www.peebs.net - you probably already have if you've found this blog, as the site comes high on a google search for exclusive brethren. These folks are people who all, without exception, proclaim themselves to be delighted at their freedom from the evil cult that the brethren are. Yet they spend a large amount of their time (as far as I can see) discussing, criticising, taunting, etc etc ... the very group they've glad to have left. Is it me, or is that unhealthy? I've spent far too long in a political atmosphere, and become far too cynical, but it says to me that these people are not sufficiently sure of their ground to just shrug and let it go. By keeping at it, they quieten the voice in the back of their heads that queries their lives as they now are.

Anybody's free to point a finger at me. Here I am criticising the brethren myself, and more besides, and I haven't had whatever it takes to do anything about it. In my defence, all I'll say is that at least I'm prepared to admit to doubts of various kinds, and that I'm surrounded by the brethren all the time. I can't help thinking about them. And frankly, if I don't let off steam somewhere, I'll suffer a breakdown.

Plus, in my long wrangling over the deepest religious and moral aspects of it all, the biggest conclusion I have reached for sure is that IT DOESN'T MUCH MATTER. Does God care about the little details? I'm utterly certain He doesn't. So I'm not any more inclined to beat the brethren over the head with what they do and believe than I am to subscribe to it myself.