Why oh Why?

Hard as it may be to believe, there really are people who cannot understand why anyone wouldn't be happy among the brethren. There are a good many more who think that while there are problems and faults, the overwhelming balance is towards the benefits.

That's the way any conversations about leaving tend to go.

The first question is "where else would you go?" which is easy to answer. There's no need to go anywhere. Out is out, and the move doesn't come with a requirement to join an alternative group. That's a scary thought to many, accustomed as they are to props on all sides.

The next is "what benefit could be so great as to make you give up all the amazing things about being in fellowship?" and that one I like to turn around. There is no benefit so small that I wouldn't trade all the brethren's perceived wonders for it. Actually, I've said that one in my head a lot more than I've said it in real life, because the question is mostly asked rhetorically in circumstances that don't allow for reply.

After that, the pattern varies. One other query I've had more than once is "how can you possibly think that you're the one person who's right and all the brethren are wrong?" That makes me laugh. Anyone who can ask such a question without seeing that the true situation is that I've joined the multi-millions-to-one majority who think the brethren don't have all the answers, is beyond irony. It's not worth arguing over this one, as those billions of people outside don't count for anything. They're wrong.

Another point of attack is along the lines of "there is nothing either good or bad but thinking makes it so". A creditable thought, but it has its limits. I am assured with great positivity that if I could only accept things as they are, I'd find I was happy immediately. I'm sure that's true, but it's hard to explain why I'm uncomfortable with modifying my mind to the extent that the acceptance becomes possible. Supplying our wants by lopping off our desires is like cutting off our feet when we want shoes, as a better religious thinker than me once said.

It's surprising how often I've had promises that things will improve, too, if I only hang on. All the problems, I'm told, are because the brethren, as individuals, are not as they should be, and as everyone gets right everything will become wonderful.

This is where I really disagree. The reason I haven't departed years ago is, admittedly, in small part lack of confidence that I can survive, but the biggest reason is those very individuals. It irritates me that the system is held blameless while the poor struggling people are apparently all that is stopping the fellowship being paradise on Earth. Literally. Some of those individuals love me, and would blame themselves and suffer enormously if I were to leave them, and even knowing that they're wrong about that doesn't make it any easier to land it on them. And these are also the people who are to blame for everything else too?

We don't usually get too far. And the same questioners often seem to escape coming back for another discussion. I can't think why.