First Noel

I'm still firmly in holiday mode, but taking a break from relaxing long enough to say that I'm doing so.

If Christmas is always as much of a just-plain-holiday, without the obligations, travel, slightly tense socialising and general pressure that I get the impression is sometimes part of the package, then I shall look forward to it in future. In this case, I have had my batteries thoroughly recharged, and look like getting more recharging done yet before the return to work.

It seems to be an excuse for indulgence, but the indulgence has been the good kind. The exchange of cards - and gifts even more so - is a kind of symbol of thinking about somebody, and means more than the surface would suggest. In a similar way, sharing a day which is made special by a conscious decision not to do anything which would spoil the holiday mood, is another rare and precious thing to share. And sharing is good.

To say more would be to spoil it.

Code

The weirdness of using a computer at work in an exclusive brethren company has largely worn off. Now, of course, the limitations and possibilities loom larger than the presence of the machine.

These things are business-orientated, as any brethren person who can justify the use of a computer outside work will be provided with a laptop of some kind, customised for their particular needs and more or less restricted depending on their status in the global hierarchy. That's my observation, anyway. However, the brethren are addicted to Soviet-style central planning, and the orientation and optimisation of the work computers is decreed by the provider. That makes them just exactly what is not quite required in each individual case. But that's OK - at least it's a step forward.

The biggest limitation is that there is no company-wide email system. Each machine is stand-alone from a system point of view, although they are networked if there is more than one, and the original rules said that only one per company should be able to handle email. That's been quietly forgotten, I think, but even so it's not sensible to have multiple machines using the same email addresses, as you'll never know what's stored on where. So if somebody needs an urgent reply, and other important business is being done on the computer with email facility, you're out of luck. Maybe others have worked round this.

Then of course there is the very limited set of applications. If what you want to do can't be done in either Word or Excel, you're probably out of luck again.

But that's where the possibilities start. To my surprise, having been unfamiliar with any Microsoft programs until the second half of this year, I find that a lot can be done. Things that I had thought were naïve requests requiring specialised or more powerful software, are actually feasible, if not necessarily easy.

About two weeks ago I discovered that Microsoft Office has its own programming language. Suddenly Excel can be made to act in any way I choose. It is possible to create new applications, virtually, that bear only a superficial resemblance to the original application, and the big problem of having no access to database software is bypassed. The help system wasn't installed, and a bit of code which goes wrong is liable to shut the application down rather than launch a debugger, but still it feels like the opening of a prison. And another new user even discovered that the help system can be installed, even as the application blocker has a message on screen to say you're not allowed to!

Obviously I'm no professional programmer or developer, but years of effort put into understanding arbitrary rules and cascading consequences in ordinary life seems to be a good preparation for the rigidly flexible world of basic computer code. It's working so far, anyway.

Christmas Approaching

If I'm honest, Christmas is approaching a little like a juggernaut. One full of good things, I'm sure, but still a bit scary to have bearing down on me at high speed.

I have noticed that many ex-brethren have at least an ambivalent attitude to the festivities. It's hard to feel truly part of something when so much of it seems to spring from memory and tradition. Children love Christmas, of course, but a good many adults seem to derive most of their sense of what it's all about from the experiences of their formative years. Brethren, of course, have none of that.

The brethren never have celebrated Christmas, so far as I know, following in the direct tradition of the puritans of Cromwell's time. It's a pagan festival, nothing to do with Christianity, is the doctrine. In recent years the negativity has only increased, and whereas in the past the work-free day was an excuse to get together with friends and family regardless of the reason for the holiday, the fact that the world outside is doing just that now means that the flock are strongly discouraged from doing any such thing. No get-togethers on the twenty-fifth, only on other days if you must.

So it feels odd to suddenly find myself in the wider world where it's important. I feel something of an imposter. A bit like an autistic person at a party, feeling little but frantically studying the people around me for clues to what I should be feeling and doing.

Those for whom this time of year is familiar and fun can have very little idea of the pressures of arriving at it without any preparation. There are expectations galore, and wherever there are expectations, there is an equal amount of potential for disappointing and upsetting people.

I look forward to the time when I've developed traditions of my own to lean on, a Christmas groove to slip comfortably into. For this year I'm very grateful that the requirements are few, the day is to be low-key, and people generally are likely to excuse any faux-pas as an understandable mistake by the alien at the festivities.

I bet my family and I will miss each other a lot on those free days, too. But that, I think, can't be cured.