It may be time to face facts and realise that my blog is dying.
This writing has always been a cathartic activity, with posts forming themselves out of concerns and thoughts that would otherwise keep rushing around my brain with no exit. It has also been emotional, and solitary, as it has been a journey that to a large extent had to be travelled alone.
Now, to my surprise, I find that there are good people in the world, people who can be true friends, who can have a call on my time and a tug at my thoughts, and be a fulfilment in themselves. I shouldn't be surprised, and on a surface level I'm not, but somewhere deep down I did think I was solitary, and that I would always feel a little outside the happy enjoyment that others seem to get together. It isn't so.
But with my thoughts on happier things, it's harder to feel strongly enough to post entries about my old life, and the new life involves others and is therefore more private. I have to ask myself on that account what purpose the blog serves. Is it worth continuing? Will it dwindle, as appropriate topics occur to me less and less often, or should I just move on? The questions may well answer themselves, but it's something to ponder.
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5 comments:
Yes, it is difficult to write something interesting and relevant on a regular basis. Journalists are expected to do such things. When next you read some empty filler article in a newspaper, you will understand why!
(Glad that "Guilt" returned!)
The theme for the counselling psychology conference next June in Dublin is "When endings are beginnings". This seems apt here. My question is though - are there ever any complete endings, are the chapters ever really closed or is it that the beginnings are about what is the main focus of our lives from now on.
I suspect that your focus may return to your old life at times and at those times you may well want to return to your blog. I find with diaries that I only write them when I am wrestling with something but even then not always. Sometimes i think though that it is a pity I dont have any record of all the beginnings I have had, the happier times to counterbalance the diaries filled with struggles.
I would say that missing a few days or even weeks hardly means a blog is dying. It simply reflects reality. My advice is to write when you find it helpful, and otherwise don't.
For purpose, I'd suggest that you have an audience here, composed it seems of friendly and compassionate souls. Writing here helps keep those friends in the loop and friendly with very little effort on your part.
Mmmm, an interesting thought.
"...I did think I was solitary, and that I would always feel a little outside the happy enjoyment that others seem to get together. It isn't so." That's a giant step you have taken.
Whilst I can certainly understand that now that you have found things to do, people to meet, places to go, as "friend" says it is not necessarily the end of a blog. I am sure many of your readers would like to observe your ongoing assimilation, if that's the right word.
Personally, I see your whole blog as being merely the first chapter. As Jill says "endings are beginnings".
If and when you do decide to cease adding, have you considered making it public?
The reason I say this is because I consider many of the things you have shared and discussed with us would be a useful tool for others who are in the position you were in, although I daresay, a careful pruning of some of the postings (and our comments!) might be wise.
Of course, I also readily see that the Brethren might regard it as an incitement or encouragement to abandon their faith - as they know it - but as they appear to be great proponents of freedom of speech (when it suits them) I would defend to the death your right to say what you want to.
Paraphrasing what was attributed to Voltaire might not be the best analogy, but you will get my drift.
You see, I consider that you have carefully avoided doctrinal matters and made us aware of the daily changes, such as household chores! Hardly an incitement!
I think writing thoughts, feelings and emotions at a given time, particularly at a solitary and turning point in ones life, is cathartic. It can be at a time when innermost turmoil is difficult to verbally and coherently explain to others. I believe it allows us to emerge from our troubled times with a clearer view.
Interaction with friends and important people in your life is a good sign that you have moved forward. Your blog was your personal log of a journey; we are only spectators (and friends) wanting the best for you. If that writing is becoming more difficult and forced then in my humble opinion you have found the path to new things. It will have its bumps along the way, but you have the support of friends who will understand.
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