Mistakes and Reasonings

There are still many things to learn, and a lot that's new to experience. Some of it is pleasurable, and some less so but just as needed.

The weekend started badly with misunderstandings and upset all round, and Saturday in particular was quite painful. Yet there are usually good things that can be made to come out of even the stupidest mess-ups, one way or another, especially the sort that results in some self-examination.

In some ways I have been coasting emotionally for almost a year. I am aware of some flaws in my character (and yes, I know we all have those and that I shouldn't necessarily focus on the negative), one of which is a tendency to bury my head in the sand or even run away from things I wish didn't need to be done. Having finally left the brethren after ten years or so of intending to do so, I have been giving myself credit for that one step instead of working on never giving in to the temptation to put off, to avoid, to live in denial. So that's a task for me.

I also find that somewhere deep inside I don't actually like myself very much, but that's harder to deal with. I'm not sure how much of that is just me and how much is due to my background. It has been pointed out to me that ex-brethren seem not to have mirrors around, and while I hadn't noticed that myself, I do know that I don't much like them as I don't like to see myself around the place. It would be interesting to know where that comes from, and whether it's common.

Still, the remainder of the weekend was great, and today was a holiday. Some chores done in the sunshine made the day satisfying, and a visit to a fair made it fun. Rides and dodgems are kind of simple, but "fun" is really the only word that fits, particularly in good company. More about that visit separately, perhaps.