Out of the Loop

One very odd thing about being an ex-member of the brethren is the extent to which you become a non-person to them. In the brethren's little world, things are divided quite neatly into "inside" and "outside", and the assumption is that the two never meet. Outside has no need, or even any right, to know about the inside.

Last Sunday, a member of the brethren who I used to know well, and both liked and respected, died suddenly. I know because his daughter told me, and she has been out of the brethren for years.

I was interested to see how long it took for the news to come from any other direction, and the answer is that it never will. I spend large amounts of the working week around people who will have mixed with the deceased on a daily basis, as I used to, and today they disappeared around midday without any word of why - to the funeral. If I hadn't already known about it, I would still be in the dark. As I am no longer among the brethren, why would I need to know, and why should I know? Why would I be interested? It doesn't occur to the brethren that I retain common humanity, and still care what becomes of people who were my friends.

It's not only me, either. I won't make public other people's lives, but even the non-brethren family of this man were included in events on sufferance, and my impression is that the brethren think it unreasonable of them that they should want to grieve rather than stay away and have nothing to do with brethren affairs.

I am reminded of the mythical ogre who forced people to lie on his bed, then chopped off what didn't fit. The brethren's worldview is very small, and very tidy, and woe betide you if you are over the edge. You'll feel the chop, and it'll hurt.