Test of Separation

Yesterday my newspaper reported a survey in which seventy-five percent of the British population said that they didn't get enough hugs.

Well, I can't say I'm surprised. That never applied in my parents' home, though. A day without a hug was rare, even though I often had the impression we were unusual in that respect. We were a close family, and I imagine they still are.

Notice that last sentence. "We" followed by "they". It's been three months now, and that doesn't get any easier. I've had regular visits from brethren, and have been told that the visiting stream would be more or less continuous if I hadn't told them I needed some time and space to myself, but the people I care for most have stayed away, with three exceptions. I've had the feeling that it wasn't for me to push, that if they wanted contact, they'd come to me, and if I tried to force the issue then they'd back away. I don't want to cause trouble for people I love, so I've kept low-key. Besides, some of the family, I know, find the situation so painful that I'm not sure whether seeing me in my changed position would make it better or worse.

But this week, I've been encouraged twice. A broad hint came my way on my birthday that those I've been worrying most about are waiting for me to call as much as I've been waiting for a signal it's OK. Then my last pair of brethren visitors said that they didn't think anyone would ever have the right to stop me seeing my family.

To me, that's a new doctrine for the brethren. It's also only part of the answer, because if my family find it too painful, seeing me, I still won't want that. Still, it's good news.

The signs appear to be, taken together, that I ought to be able to enjoy a near-normal relationship with those I care for who have remained behind the fortress wall. I'm having trouble believing that as, if so, I'll be the first person ever in the history of people leaving the brethren to achieve such a relationship - and what a long and tangled history that is. I still think that there will be reasons and circumstances to prevent much contact, especially any kind that shows affection. However, I am feeling bolder about applying the test. A hug would be nice, but I'd settle for friendly chat.