Packaging Myself

I have now had several hints from the management at work that they are expecting me to leave, and requests for "something in writing" about my plans for the future, most recently on Monday this week.

That is, of course, of doubtful legality, and I have no intention of compromising my status by obliging on that one. Still, although they can't wish me away, I don't like to cause trouble, and they can make working conditions increasingly uncomfortable if they choose. Apart from the uncertainty, it's not a problem so far and everybody remains friendly, with a single exception. So the idea of a dispute remains unattractive. I'm not cut out for that kind of thing.

A wise person takes precautions, however, and this seems a good time to prepare my first ever CV.

What a painful process that is. I suspect I'd enjoy preparing someone else's, being creative about expressing all the great things they have to offer and finding positive ways of covering the rest. But my own is another matter. I keep looking at the task and shying away. This is not something brethren need or do, for a start, so I don't know the protocols and expectations, and besides, a life among the brethren does NOT look good on paper.

I do have good points, I promise. Firstly, from a business point of view, I am extremely adaptable and the fastest learner I know. Because of that, I have experience of most corners of business life. I've been in my current job for five-and-a-half years, and become quite responsible in the company. I've managed teams for projects all my working life, starting when I was only eighteen. Jobs are more efficient when I pass them on than when I took them over, because I like to refine and improve processes. I have a good working relationship with people in other companies and other countries. I'm not easily flustered and tend to think faster and better in a crisis. I'm good with words and visuals, so can present things well. Most useful of all, people mostly seem to like me on sight, which is puzzling but something for which I'm very thankful.

But there are negatives, too, and I tend to be very aware of those. The practical ones are not a problem in work, but are tricky on paper - for example, I have excellent academic results, but they stop abruptly at secondary level. That's harder to explain than poor results. Then there's the lack of non-brethren work experience, which means I'm likely to look clueless for a while in a normal environment, and causes problems with references. And the reason why I want a new job now is a difficult one to explain. Besides that, I have personal deficiencies (while I'm in honesty mode). I'm easily bored, so if something isn't challenging it tends not to get my full attention. And I also seem to seize new challenges before properly signing off the old ones, for the same reason. But the most worrying thing is my innate diffidence. I hate to push people in any way, and it often seems to be required. I get stressed when I feel I should be assertive, and become much less effective.

With all that, I also wonder who is actually going to be interested in this document. There are places for people with few qualifications, and challenging places, and places where consensus rather than competitiveness is rewarded, but the chances of finding all three in one seem very slim, and having them see and approve of my CV seems even slimmer.

It's a worry, I will say. Does the way the CV is fashioned affect the outcome? Are there avenues to fulfilling work that I should know about? How do others manage?