I'm not sure exactly what the causes of the change are. A large part of the reason may be that I have a lot to think about, and even more to feel, and that leaves less room in my head for the remaining familiar and mundane aspects of my life. Another part is that work is now just work, and not a major component in an endless rush from activity to activity, which means the time doesn't loom as large as it did.
A more subtle change is that I am no longer constantly surrounded by an extreme version of the protestant work ethic. Over the last few decades, business has become a very large part of brethren life, with the making of money seen as a sign of God's approval of a lifestyle. What's more, the general brethren attitude to any kind of activity is that it is either not fitting to a christian, and therefore to be minimised if not cut out entirely, or suitable, in which case every effort should be made to do it in a thorough and disciplined way. Work is one of the fitting activities, and is consequently the focus of much attention.
That makes work life very intense, and as someone who needs mental space to function effectively, I find it hard. That's without considering that I have more tasks to do than I can possibly achieve, and nobody else seems able or willing to do any of them. Still, I find it easier to switch off now, and knowing that I am no longer tied to a life sentence helps too.
Interestingly, there is also a brethren version of the work/life balance effort. For unmarried people like myself, it doesn't apply so much. Early starts are obligatory if not quite mandatory. Working late or on non-work days is strongly discouraged though. Married men are encouraged to start early too, but are meant to be home in time to see their children come home from school. Those, such as business-owners with control over their time, should ideally go home for breakfast (and a morning reading of the bible) with their family too. The doctrine says that blessing will come from dedication to family ahead of business, as long as the business effort is disciplined.
The messages for women are mixed, as in much else. Married women have always been forbidden to work, but that has been relaxed a little, both for those with not much else to do and in cases where fledgling businesses need help from any family members they can call up. Girls are not to get married until they are mature enough and have experienced life first, but even then it is thought to be ideal if they could manage without having to be defiled by the work environment. If they do work (and most do), it will be very rare that they avoid the stereotypical women's work, even particularly capable women who sadly have never got married.
Still, somehow the importance of work seems to permeate much of brethren life, and even the balance has a compulsory feel. The whole attitude is taking its time to leave me, and I hope some of the useful aspects will stay, but I am glad not to be stuck with the full-on experience all my life.
4 comments:
"Go to the ant, thou sluggard; consider her ways, and be wise: Which having no guide, overseer, or ruler, Provideth her meat in the summer, and gathereth her food in the harvest" (Proverbs 6:6-8).
An interesting verse. Some claim that the ant is virtually a robot with little or no scope for individuality.
I wonder how the EBs take the "no guide, overseer, or ruler" bit. It doesn't seem to fit the master-servant notion that they purportedly hold to.
EB used to quote the "no ruler" bit when I was a kid, but quietly dropped it when the MoG cult arose.
"The whole attitude is taking its time to leave me..."
To me, survivor, this line not only represents what is going on in your working life, but also describes the broader process you are undergoing in leaving the EB and seeking a life outside. I believe that any major transitional life event (elsewhere in your blog I have used the metaphor of becoming French instead of British) involves a psychological process akin to grief. Satisfactory recovery from profound loss involves emotional pain, the passage of considerable time, and eventually, if all goes well, resigned acknowledgement and acceptance of the loss with an incorporation into one's persona of benefit from the experience. I think that part of what attracts the interest in your blog for many people is your manifest ability to think clearly, have a balanced view, and write lucidly. I feel sure that, released from the constraints of expectations and demands of you as a worker in the EB environment you will undergo the change that involves finding a career in the outside world which gives your life considerable meaning. Work/life balance is a bit of a cliche these days, but I'm sure there's plenty of room for that too.
It can take years to come to terms with bereavement or substantial loss, but a positive aspect of recovery is that in the end you may discover that all has not been totally lost. The goodness and virtue of a person or an experience that has been taken away can be assimilated and absorbed, and in that sense s/he, or the good experience, remains beneficial to your ongoing life - and in time the harrowing experience of bereavement is mitigated.
In the National Gallery in London there is a beautiful painting by the C16 Venetian painter, Titian - ‘Noli me Tangere’, ‘Do not touch me’ - John’s Gospel 20:17. At the start of the second world war the Gallery’s paintings were taken away for safe storage in a quarry in Wales, but as time went by and the threat of bombing eased the trustees decided to start bringing the pictures back to the Gallery. They hit upon the idea of asking the public which pictures they would like to have returned first. ‘Noli me Tangere’ came first in the poll and was brought back and hung in the Gallery once more.
I sometimes wonder if Titian’s painting was chosen because people were beginning to realise that all the terrible loss inflicted during the war had not been totally annihilating, and the message of the risen Christ to Mary perfectly encapsulated that awareness. Neil MacGregor, recently Director of the National Gallery and now Director of the British Museum - a devout Christian himself - has commented memorably about that painting, “A love that cannot be touched can never be taken away”.
Take the good things about the EB with you and leave the the rest to those left behind who don’t yet have the courage and willingness to change.
Click on ‘image only’ at http://www.nationalgallery.org.uk/cgi-bin/WebObjects.dll/CollectionPublisher.woa/wa/work?workNumber=NG270
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