So what? How does that help? That seemed to be the hardest thing for my family and friends to understand. They assumed there must be some dreadful secret that I wanted to indulge away from their eyes, or, worse, that I had no standards left and wanted to indulge in anything going. It appears to be utterly incomprehensible that I should want to continue much as before but away from them - and put like that, it does seem a bit selfish and antisocial.
To be honest, my intentions are in a state of flux to some extent. Leaving the brethren is a process, not an action, and I doubt I will think the same way even a few weeks from now. But that is part of the point. Without making that move, entirely unnecessarily from the point of view of those left behind, I would have been unable to move my life forward. As I couldn't accept the brethren's life, I had a choice between an increasingly bitter limbo and a fresh start. And a key feature of a fresh start is that you can't know what follows. I like that.
As things stand, I'm not doing anything I wasn't doing before. That will change, no doubt, but I'd be surprised if it turns into the downhill slope my family fear and expect.
The main difference is the focus of my home. It's still incredibly untidy, but already you can see that it's intended for living in. Brethren's houses are built around visitors. If I were setting up within the brethren circle, firstly I'd have a bigger place, but also more room would be given to the dining table, and there would be plenty of chairs, arrranged so that everyone can talk in one conversation. I have a cheap table, but only three chairs in the entire house so far. I'll have to do something about that, but it isn't first priority.
The most shocking detail to brethren eyes would be the openly displayed computers. They have become more used to them, of course, but there is still something that jars, even to me, about a screen in the living room. And the speakers. However, to judge by my previous experience, once they realised that the screen was a monitor and not a television, they would revert to disapproval from shock.
This house has a satellite dish and all the cabling, but I have no immediate intention of getting a TV. The reasons are both practical and principled. Firstly I think it's a waste of time - it doesn't have to be, but it is. Secondly I have other priorities for my money. Thirdly I have had disagreeable experiences with TV companies, and don't want to channel my income to them. So, for reasons of my own, there is one action that the brethren would approve of. Or non-action, which is even better.
Radio is also unnecessary, because I prefer internet radio stations anyway. I doubt that it would be considered any more moral than the version that comes across the airwaves, but I don't intend to get into that discussion.
Brethren's houses also have a lot of bookshelves. Mine does too, but the spines are more variedly colourful than theirs. I had long since stopped getting the brethren's own publications, so they won't take up my valuable shelf space. Having said that, I would snap up an antique set of JND's writings if I saw one at a reasonable price, simply because they are the kind of thing I'd like to own. I'm sure they'd sit comfortably in a category with Berlin, Hofstadter, Penrose and Machiavelli among other thinkers.
Music would be another difference. There was often music in my parents' home, but only of the live variety. Now I have a soundtrack to my various activities, and I have to remind myself that I needn't worry about turning it off if the phone or the doorbell rings. That is nice, I must say.
There is no uniform row of vintage photographs of venerable gentleman, as would be obligatory. That won't be so obvious later, because I will have photos of family.
Other than that, I'm struggling to think what brethren might worry about in my house. I dare say I'll find out, as I can probably expect a visit from some at some point. Activities are another matter, of course, but I'll get on to those later.
4 comments:
Your house sounds like a fun place to be. You'll probably find your EB visitors will like it too, even if they daren't admit it.
Tell us about what kind of art you have on your walls, if they're actually fitted with picture hooks, that is. Will it be your own photographs? Do you share the customary EB disdain for Rembrandt, Caravaggio, Hogarth, Cézanne, Picasso .... and Bill Brandt etc?
Good suggestion Joan. The placement of Survivor's photographic work along with classical reproductions would be an interesting challenge.
For visitors, over the yet-to-be-acquired Darby volumes, a framed text on well-aged paper and possibly in a strange tongue might be appropriate. The Darby vision of dispensations maybe?
http://www.verdadespreciosas.com.ar/imagenes/LAS_TRES_ADMINISTRACIONES.JPG
Never underestimate the brethren's ability to dislike things, especially in an official capacity.
There are no pictures at all right now. I did make a special point of asking the landlord what he thought about picture hooks, and he was fine. So pictures will come. I'm keen on all those you mention, Joan (except that aesthetically I prefer blue period Picassos to the later ones), but it would certainly be a challenge to make them fit in. I'll have to give it some thought.
In the meantime, I may run a rolling selection of my photos, just because I can print them out at seventeen inches wide and as long as I like, and that's quite cost-effective done in-house, so to speak. Plus there's nothing like living with a picture to see if it's any good.
Great insight in your comment "a key feature of a fresh start is that you can't know what follows. I like that". Spot on!
Don't worry yourself too much with pleasing the PB's, you've established your own standards by setting up outside their system. In fact I diplomatically told my priests that I would call them if I wanted to talk; after they spent 1/2 an hour eulogising 'Mr' Bruce. Of course in their eyes he is the link between them & Jesus - but I left for that, and various other reasons; so the conversation wasn't agreeable to me & I wouldn't have that sort of nonsense in my house. Again for me it is all about boundaries & what I allow myself to experience.
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