That may partly be just an attitude thing, and if it is, I won't try too hard to change it. I understand that research has shown that the clinically depressed have a measurably more realistic outlook, as judged by their assessment of future probabilities, but I doubt that accuracy is worth the price. It's a revealing question to ask oneself: deep down, do I really believe that things always work out for the best for me? Even what appear to be set-backs?
My own answer is "yes".
So I've been through hard and stressful times recently. Do I wish I hadn't? Or, as my parents asked, do I wish they'd made it easy for me to go? Come to that, do I resent the years that it's taken to get to this point?
It would be easy to, unless I look at the alternatives. In the ultimate philosophical sense, if I'd had a different life, I wouldn't be the person I am. I might be a better person, but I wouldn't be me as I am - and I don't wish for my own non-existence. I appreciate the tenets of Zen, but that's a step too far. It is something I often think of. The road ahead, right now, is rich with possibility, and the bumps and detours behind are all part of what got me here. It would be churlish to wish them away.
And in a practical sense, I think it has taken me an unusually long time to develop the maturity to stand alone in the way I now have. I seem to others to be young for my age, and have only recently felt that people take me seriously. So I suspect that without those years behind me I would struggle.
The real crux of the issue, though, is that we need the dark times to show up the light. Without struggles and sorrows, how can we appreciate the good in life? I don't think you need to be religious to see that often trials make people better than they were before, and I think that's something to be valued. Fortitude is like a muscle, it needs exercise and building up. I can look back on various proverbial dark nights of the soul, and they both give me strength to get through tough things of the present, and set the happy aspects in sharp relief.
In addition, or maybe even more importantly, empathy with others often requires a range of experience in one's own life. Sharing others' feelings is an important part of life in so many ways, and in practice, one usually draws on remembered feelings of one's own. Happiness maybe doesn't need the help, but past sadness or anger can provide the key to reacting rightly when confronted with the need. People in such situations mostly want to know their emotions are understood, not to have their problems solved for them as such. Understanding requires recognition and fellow-feeling.
In many ways I think a life spent among the brethren is useful in this regard. You get to mix at close range with many people, and share their trials and triumphs. It also teaches you to endure frustration and boredom, and to work within a structure and make the best of it. There are many negative learned behaviours, too, but let's not forget the positive. And even recognising the flaws the life has encouraged in my own character reminds me to be more accepting of flaws in others.
Then, to descend from the philosophical heights, there is the notable advantage of an unusual and interesting background. I was told recently that ex-brethren are never short of listeners at parties. And the unpleasant reality of modern life often involves competing for attention in one way or another, an activity where any kind of difference can be useful.
And then there's the writing of fiction, in which a rich backstory and unusual experiences are a positive help. But that's another story ...
9 comments:
Yes, I definitely think one can make a silk purse from a sow's ear. Although abhorrence of cruelty to animals might restrain us.
Now what would be the difference in learning and stimulation from encounters and experiences within a cossetted group and the larger diverse world?
I certainly wouldn't venture a definitive answer, but suspect that dealing with the variety and surprises held by the latter is conducive to even greater personal growth.
In due course Survivor,you'll be in a position to report back with some authority on this thesis!
//It's a revealing question to ask oneself: deep down, do I really believe that things always work out for the best for me? Even what appear to be set-backs?
My own answer is "yes".//
Sir, your glass in neither half-empty nor half-full, it's overflowing.
Since I have been privileged to have access to these musings, I have learned quite a lot - about myself as well as the brethren.
The image projected by yourself of the brethren is remarkably different to the image portrayed by others. To learn this has been humbling.
With a tangenital reference to another of your postings, from what I have gleaned, you will have no problem assimilating in today's society. I wish you well.
This posting ranks high in importance and insight, for me,among your previous writings and that's saying some. None of us have a choice about where, when and into what sociocultural group we are born but it does take courage to shake off the shackles of our early environment and take a path of our own choosing. Even when we do that, we are, of course always profoundly influenced by early nurturing. I find it helpful to distinguish between mood (involving clinical depression) on the one hand, and where we are placed on the spectrum of characterological pessimism versus optimism (personality) on the other. It certainly helps to be up towards the top end of both. Each of these is, of course influenced by environment as well as genetics. You probably have reason to be grateful for early experience of profound non- judgmental love which of course can be found or not found as the case may be in or out of brethrenism. As for the timing in your life I think the most important point here is that you can be grateul (and proud) that you didn't make choices at an earlier lifestage which precluded this opportunity. I join your other commentators again in offering you congratulations and best wishes.
I think George's glass was full before he wrote. And when the glass was empty he had some "tangenital" thoughts!
George, I'm sure you added that last part! After a bit of congenial sunstroke perhaps? From "tangenital" sunbathing in the raw?
I'm sure a sense of humour helps too!
Thank you for your comments on this one, all.
Particularly George, who seems to get stick as a result. I appreciate it (the comment, not the stick).
Indeed! Funny how a misplaced "i" can be. LOL!
Tangential of course, but then, I think you all knew that.
I agree with Robert in ranking this piece high.
'And then there's the writing of fiction ... But that's another story ...'
Is this a whisper of things to come? I do hope so.
Do you know the 2005 Pulitzer Fiction Prize Winner - Marilynne Robinson's 'Gilead'? It's the tale of another Survivor reviewing the past, and it is wonderful beyond words.
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