How to Manage the Priests

It feels like time to be useful, and this is an area where I have a bit of experience. So here's my top ten tips for dealing with those awkward men who feel they have to deal with certain aspects of your life and character from time to time.

Rule no.1
Always be friendly and cheerful, whether in a proper talk or casual conversation. Never give the impression you don't want to speak to them, even if it's true. Brethren priests are only human, and they'll find it much harder to see you as properly sinful if you seem to like them. People like to be liked.

Rule no.2
Don't cause trouble. Feel quite free to flout the rules, but don't rub anyone's nose in it, and make it easy to ignore, and at all costs avoid forcing anyone to notice, because they'll be obliged to act. Similarly, don't be seen to spread doubts or influence others.

Rule no.3
Make it quite clear that you could cause trouble if you chose to. This has the double benefit of making them grateful to you because of your restraint, and making them very wary of doing anything that might tip the balance.

Rule no.4
It should also be obvious that you don't care if they do take action. And frankly, if you do care about potentially being thrown out, none of this is any use to you. I doubt you can pretend well enough to make a difference.

Rule no.5
Wherever possible, answer a straight question with a straight answer. Be open, not evasive, but even more than that, SEEM open. If they scent that somewhere beneath the surface you're ashamed of something, they will become sure they can win. If you yourself think you're wrong, that makes them right, and you can be sure they'll push the point. If necessary, one of your straight answers can be "I'm not going to answer that," but see rule six.

Rule no.6
Before a talk starts, decide what areas are not up for discussion, and stick to that, both keeping off those subjects and not adding other non-discuss subjects partway through. Whatever you do, don't dither over whether to answer, because they will then focus on the subject. Think carefully, because too many out-of-bounds areas will stop you seeming open.

Rule no.7
Have a handy grievance. This should be something they cannot solve, something you can openly disagree about without offending them, and really should be something that doesn't affect you directly. Good examples are wanting to know why the rules have changed on cellphones or computers, and disagreeing with locking meeting hall doors while claiming to be a public building open to all. But better than either of those is anything specific and original that actually does trouble you. If it doesn't, you'll have a hard time stopping the subject being dismissed.

Rule no.8
Find something fundamental that you and they can agree about, ideally some very basic Christianity. If you can solemnly and seriously assure them that you know you're saved, it will go a long way, and any point of agreement will tend to be remembered above the disagreements. Don't let yourself admit to any "but"s if you do genuinely agree on something. Keep doctrinal differences to yourself unless they're going to help.

Rule no.9
Keep any formal talk slow, with gaps, always remembering rule two. It'll make it look as though you're taking it seriously, and give you time to think.

Rule no.10
Leave them with work to do. Ask for information they haven't got, for example. They can't do much with you unless all their loose ends are tied up. Keep finding them new ones.

I think that's enough rules for now, though I may think of more. They have just kind of grown over years for me, in which time I have had numerous "priestlies" and never yet been out of fellowship. And that's in spite of them knowing full well all that time of most of my activities. I don't know if that's entirely a good thing, as it means that it's become a game for me, and leaving the brethren means losing it.