I am not happy about being in the spotlight. What's more, I think it's very bad manners to make use of my musings without checking first. It seems as though the self-appointed ex-brethren management is much like the brethren management, in that they are completely unilateral in deciding what's best. Thank you very much, and I hereby disassociate myself from your use of my writing.
Having given a few days' consideration to the matter while removing the blog from public gaze, I have decided for the moment that "too many readers" is a very slightly preferable situation to having none. So the blog is public again on a trial basis. Readers, please bear the following in mind.
Sorry to sound selfish, but I'm writing this for myself. You're completely welcome to disagree with me on any and all points, to think it's all a spoof ... or even enjoy it for what it is. Be my guest, and don't expect me to worry what you think.
I'm writing partly because I'm bored, and like a challenge with a sprinkling of risk to add spice, but mostly because I want to record what I feel while I feel it and I'm not disciplined enough to keep up a diary. So scandalous revelations are unlikely, and I'm not in the business of dirty laundry except in so far as a particular situation weighs on my mind. Writing about something that troubles me helps to clear my thoughts.
For that reason, I may seem negative. Don't take it seriously.
I expect to find myself quietly ushered out of the fellowship. I also expect to gain consolation from documenting the process. But I won't take kindly to anyone bringing the event nearer, and I might mention that I already have a poor opinion of the zealots of ex-brethren-ness.
Thank you for your patience during this interlude. Normal service will be resumed shortly.
10 comments:
Dear Survivor,
If someone makes comments publically, can't the assumption be made that even greater publicity might be desired? Making statements publically via a blog means your comments are there for all to use in whichever way they choose, surely?
Peebs.net is a site on which people are free to join, free to leave, free to remain silent, free to rant & rave. No one is forced to speak, no one is bound by financial constraints. People are asked to leave - according to the clearly stated and pretty standard regulations of the site, not according to any religious 'truth' or righteousness. I accept unilateral decisions made by people who work hard to provide a voice and network to people who clearly enjoy its benefits.
Enjoy freedom of speech, sir! It's a delight!
As Popeye once said:
"Ya gives im an inch, an e takes the ole blastid yardstick!"
There's public and public. I write in public because I need to imagine readers to be able to write at all. I can't fool myself there are readers when I attempt to write in a diary. That said, it's good to have real actual readers, and freedom of speech is something I cherish. Plus I can imagine circumstances in which the blog might be a handy thing to point to.
But does that mean someone else has the right to increase the intensity of the spotlight even when I've asked them not to? In that sense I have indeed been "forced to speak" on peebs.net, and my secondhand dealings with the management have reminded me uncomfortably of dealing with brethren management. It seems some habits die hard.
Survivor?
Are you aware that there are some people on Peebs.Net who are not ex-EB?
These people are also an audience for your public 'personal' musings...
I am one of these people.
I write in public, not for the imagined audience, but so that my voice joins that of others; so that what they say can be made stronger, and louder.
One of the most striking aspects of your blogs is that your voice, temporarily, stands alone.
You have the potential to provide a clear and distinct message to outsiders, for as loud, and as long as you care to write.
A private monologue, placed in a public forum, has little impact until a response has been allowed.
Communication really is a two-way process.
I do hope that you continue to allow responses to your posts.
Ellie, I appreciate your comments.
I don't mind dialogue. At some point, when I'm less careful, you may be surprised by how familiar I am with the whole process. Peebs.net is not the first community of its kind. I am well aware of the composition of the set of people interested in EB matters, and that the most vocal are often those with either dim memories or no experience of what it was like to be among the brethren. That's fine.
Response is great, too. Anybody can say whatever they like, and I'll be honestly pleased to see it. Seriously.
However, there are two points I'd like to make in answer to yours. Firstly, that if I was trying to make an impact, of course I'd be metaphorically shouting in the most obvious forum I could find. But making an impact is not my intention. I'm trying to make sense.
Secondly, that what someone says is subject to context. A columnist will be read differently depending on the publication in which they appear, even if their words are the same. In the same way, my words mean something different if they are reposted somewhere that is known to have a particular mission. I can't stop that happening, and I wouldn't want to be able to stop it as I appreciate the freedom that all of us have to say what we like. But my intention is for my writing to be in a position of separation because I don't want people's perception of it to be colored by other surroundings.
Plus, in the turmoil that's bound to come, I'd like to be unable to blame anyone else.
Is that OK?
Sure.
Ok.
Perhaps a public 'personal' blog is therefore the best medium for you as you suggest.
Context does have a huge impact.
Can I be bold (or, using one of your own terms, 'pompous') enough to give you something, a belief of mine, to consider?
*In life, our actions always have intended consequences, as well as unintended consequences.
Sometimes the unintended consequences are far more pervasive than those that were intended*
To ask you simply, is responding to our posts really an unintended consequence?
Does this not validate you more as a human than any musings you may have gained 'from the inside'?
The fact that fellow humans 'connect' with you, despite the context, is of enormous personal significance for you...
" ... I'm so lonely,
But that's OK I've found my friends,
They're in my head ... "
Ellie, this supposes I wasn't already connecting. Careful with your assumptions.
No, but seriously, connections, real live ones, aren't hard to come by. But as unintended consequences go, I'm very pleased to meet you.
Well, well, well... You certainly have more time to spare than I - perhaps unencumbered by standard 'weekend domestic duties'...
Ok.
For me, it is time to call a spade, a spade.
Friendly verbal sparring serves a purpose...
You clearly enjoy it.
However, be careful of misrepresentations (your posts, and blog itself), as "Survivor" truly is a misnomer of grand proportions, and the veracity of your words...
Well...
I thought it would also be a pleasure to meet you, but you are no more "Average Joe" EB, than I am Paris Hilton.
Ellie, I've been fretting over your response.
I'm sorry I'm not Average Joe EB, but I can't help that. For me this whole thing is a laugh-or-cry situation. This blog is my way of making the best of it, and I do that however I can. I apologise for not living up to your expectations.
I know plenty of AJEBs, but I doubt I could persuade them to meet you either, so I hope you're good at dealing with disappointment.
Yes, thanks...
I deal with disappointment on a daily basis (part and parcel of teaching...)
The comments were about my assumptions, and your misrepresentations - you know, "glass houses and throwing stones...."
I thought that would have been clear...?
Apologies if not.
What I find funny is that it really makes no difference what I think - it's your forum, your choice, your preference of topic, and answer.
I don't feel sorry for you, that is not why I respond. (lol - and you have no need to fret)
I see you as an anomaly (for want of an apt description), and therefore, a challenge, a curiosity, an opportunity, a puzzle, a problem.
Cheers...
Hmmm...
Like yourself, there is so much I cannot say in public.
Freedom of speech can also have unintended consequences.
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