Hypocrisy for Beginners

I realise I've been circling around the same point for a while now. I apologise, but I think it's important.

In essence, that point is "why am I neither in nor out?" Sitting on the fence has very little in common with the moral high ground. Well, I don't think I can give a simple answer.

Let me deal with the hypocrisy side of things. I'm guilty as charged, but it doesn't feel as bad as it may look. I have principles (and if you don't like them, I have others, as Groucho Marx said). Honestly, I do. First among them is not to say what I don't mean. So I don't say I agree with things that I disagree with. I don't praise things I think are stupid. I don't say "yes, that's good," when it isn't. That may mean spending a lot of my time quiet, but that's OK. It also means the occasional clash, but not very often. I think people must think I'm joking.

Second is to make sure secrecy doesn't tip into outright deceit. That means that although I don't advertise my activities, I don't deny them when asked. I'm constantly amazed by how little trouble that causes. There has been a shift in attitudes that, although slight, seems to have far-reaching effects. I'll get back to that.

This leads me to the ideas of freedom and integrity.

The thinker who has probably influenced me most once wrote "The fundamental sense of freedom is freedom from chains, from imprisonment, from enslavement by others. The rest is extension of this sense, or else metaphor."

I'm fortunate that I'm free. To talk about lack of freedom among the brethren is extension and metaphor, because it's in the mind. I think one should always remind oneself just what true disadvantage can be. Many years ago, when starting down this road, I thought I was "getting away with things", but it's not so. I am free, truly free, to do whatever I want. And the corollary is that the brethren are free to remove me from their grouping, just as the justice system is free to fine me if I exercise my freedom to drive as fast as I like. Once I realised this, things became a lot less stressful. I set my own boundaries, and one of the judgements I have to make is whether an activity is worth the trouble it would cause; but at least that's my decision to make. I know the brethren's rules, and in my opinion they have a right to make rules if they wish. But "rules" is all they are, and it's not a matter of good and evil whether I obey them.

That may be difficult for others to understand. I think it's a little bit like civil disobedience to an unjust law. My position is that as long as I'm not claiming to believe and obey rules when I'm not, my conscience is clear.

That's not to say it wouldn't be better not to have to make all these rationalizations.