So far, low key. I can honestly say I've never had harsh treatment at any time, and in spite of the fact that my family, my friends and those required to deal with the problem are all clearly very hurt by the public nature of my complaints, there's no change now. I'm not being ejected, and the person keenest for me to leave is me.
The pleas from loved ones are hardest to take. I do have to concede that a totally selfless person would stay by them at any cost, even if that argument cuts both ways. It's very hard to disagree with anyone who obviously has your best interests at heart, however much you may consider them mistaken in their conclusions. I hate to disagree with anyone at any time, and this is heartrending on all sides.
Talking with those deputised to sort me out is different. Ne'er the twain shall meet. They simply cannot understand my conclusions, let alone accept them (which is just as well, or they'd jump ship too), and while I'm over-familiar with their point of view, it doesn't make any more sense to me than it ever did. At root, it always comes down to accepting things as they are and trusting that there is concealed sense behind the nonsense. That we can't understand God's ways and therefore shouldn't presume to question. And that where things have been wrong, it's down to people, not the system. We amicably but tensely talk past each other. I emerge from the discussions with less patience for it than I had before, which I'm sure wasn't the idea.
However, at this point I have to seriously plan for life apart. For all my thinking, I find I'm not well-prepared. I don't actually know what to do next, and as I don't want to run out on work or family members who need assistance at this point, it may take a while to sort out.
Anyone who's opened a cage door for an animal will recognise the situation. Mostly, however much you think they'll run, they hang back in a corner.
2 comments:
I remember this one!
"That we can't understand God's ways and therefore shouldn't presume to question" and after we left I remember hearing Billy Graham say something similar when I was struggling. He said that we cant expect to understand God's ways as we are only human and.... suddenly I saw the light - of course I am a mere human so I cant understand! So I should just accept - wonderful enlightenment. It was an emotional moment for me. And so for a few brief months I felt at ease, congruent - but it didn't last, it was after all an incongruence. Sadly in one respect - I enjoyed the peace while it lasted!
The pain caused to loved ones - yes that is part of life, anyone's life where choices have to be made. It's a hard one and one that many a child leaving home has to face! I cant say anything to ease this - you can only hope that one day they will understand. As you say the argument cuts both ways.
Keep talking
Jill
Although this general attitude was prevalent many decades ago, Survivor, there was a slight difference. To a degree, the notion of an individual's "conscience" was respected.
The maxim, "Let your conscience be your guide" was heard from time to time. After all, one's relationship with the Divine, was acknowledged to be a very personal one.
Alas, that understanding seems to have disappeared into Groupthink. Thankfully your family and friends are true in their love. A love that is often disdained by Breth leaders as being of the "natural man".
Take heart, their love will remain forever despite the cruel dogma of the system.
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